Have you seen this? The “word of the year?” I thought about it and thought about it and wonder of wonders it struck me during yoga that perhaps my word this year could be to just “breathe.”
A little background: I have recently become an anxious ball of nerves. Anxiety has been an unwelcome guest in my home. Maybe it was inevitable. The great aunt I take after most (and who was my favorite) also suffered from anxiety. I’m built like her and I have her cheeks. Like her, I was always thin and then around 40 I filled out. The difference being that she reveled in the fact that she had developed curves. Me? Not so much. But hope of hopes, she eventually slimmed back down without much effort. I am battling every step…
I guess in some ways I am grateful. It has forced me to re-examine somethings in my life. Things that I didn’t like doing have become things that I have panic attacks over. It makes it a bit easier to say no when you almost have a brain infarct over something every. time. you. have. to. do. it. I have also had the presence of mind to be able to step back and thing about what DOESN’T cause this to happen. Or at least, to a significantly lesser degree. What actually is still enjoyable. Maybe I should do MORE of that. Like kayaking. And yoga. I think this is also going to be the year of the kayak. For anyone (you know who you are) interested, THIS is my birthday wish 😉 THIS would do also…
Back on track–> What am I actually doing about this? Well, first I gave up a responsibility at church that I just couldn’t remember to do. Even though it was a quiet behind the scenes kind of thing that I really enjoyed at first, forgetting to do it is actually a major problem and leaves someone else scrambling on Sunday morning. Not cool for them and not cool for me when I remember that I was supposed to have done it during the service and then apologizing profusely afterward. Ugh. I will likely revisit this one in the future when “life” quits being so obnoxious because I really liked it. It was kind of meditative and I am not a mediative kind of person (it even freaks me out in yoga class…).
Then there was this more major, in your face thing that I was doing at church that I had a little freak out over. I guess I do that more than I care to admit. Well. I emailed one person about it who said it was ok and understandable that I don’t do it. Ok. However, when I sent a more official email elsewhere it was not met with the same aplomb my first email received. It may have been met with a phone call, in fact. Apparently what I honestly thought would not be a big deal was, in fact, a REALLY BIG DEAL. Well then. What do I do?