It’ been quiet in these parts for good reason: I am completely overwhelmed. With everything.
I keep thinking it’s going to quiet down. Things will settle and I will have time. But it doesn’t and I don’t. It’s insane. I made some commitments and then some commitments to help with my commitments and next thing I know, I have a full schedule and no time to think. It’s schedule and mental clutter to the max!
I agreed to “help” with music at church when our music director retired this summer. I even took a hiatus from playing in a duo with my husband to do this. But then it became “choir season” and I had no idea what to do so I joined a choir to help me learn something about choirs. And then the church choir needs to practice so now Monday and Wednesday nights are tied up. And Tuesday nights I have to spend learning the music.
I injured my shoulder in late March and although it was very slowly getting better, I lost strength and then my back pack travel made it angry and it was interfering with playing my guitar and work so now I am attending physical therapy 2 days a week and seeing a chiropractor 2 days a week. So that takes a big chunk of my “free” time. But at least it seems to be helping.
Then, my parents went away for a month and we have had NO BREAK from our children and no date nights and no time alone except after they go to bed and by then we are just zombies who drink a glass of brandy and pass out. Fun times. I NEED a nanny.
BUT there is hope on the horizon. The choir ends November 15th after a week of hellish practices. And I won’t be signing up for that again. Ever. PT won’t last forever and it’s helping me get my “get my butt in shape” plan started by making me use muscles long forgotten to stabilize my shoulder. The chiropractor visits will only be weekly after this week. And honestly PT did more for me yesterday than the chiro has done for the past month. :/
We will still be leading music for as long as they need us and for as long as they are willing to put up with us (we tend to argue during practices…) and I really do enjoy getting to sing at church and try to inspire others to join me in praising God. There is a flicker of hope that we will get a “real” music director replacement in a young man from Philadelphia who is looking to join us if the right opportunities fall into place for he and his wife. I’ll have to take a back seat but that’s cool because it will be a great boon for the church to have an amazing organist and piano player. Honestly some of the music we do screams for an organ and our guitars are good but they can’t do it justice. At least the way it is “performed” in church. I have to constantly remind myself that it is NOT a stage, it is NOT my show, and I am just temporarily extremely lucky/blessed to get to do this thing for God’s glory. Next month we start our duo back up and then I get to do whatever I want on “my” stage. At least, for as long as God allows it.
All of this is on top of having two kids in school who both have to be disciplined, bathed, fed, and entertained. Who both have to provide a gluten free peanut/nut free snack for the entire class every month. Who need to be cleaned up after. Again and again and again. And did I mention disciplined??? And whose PTA wants you to do things like open up your trunk and provide candy for kids who really don’t need candy. Or raise money doing 15 different fundraisers (I do none of them). They also come home with more papers for recycling than I can keep up with. Who reads all of this inanity? It makes my eyes bleed. (No, I don’t have Ebola. Oh God, do I?)
I guess this is real life. At least, real life here in the US in a sort-of-middle-class existence. So the question is: How do you keep your focus on what’s really important when all this “fluffy” stuff is swirling around you like some crazed hypnotic dance? Some of it you just can’t avoid. Not everything we do is going to be perfectly intentional and proactive. What do you do when you just have to go with the flow and deal with “stuff?”
Perhaps the answer is to just do it and then plan how to do it better in the future. Life is one big learning curve. And the more superfluous stuff we let go of, the easier it will be to deal with all the surprises along the way. This is where we get to the “doing” of living well.
And then, have a piece of chocolate and a glass of wine (or brandy) and chill.